Teachings of Tension -the big heart

In learning to crochet there has been a wonderful reminder for me about the ways that tension can teach us.  The following are granny squares that I have made for a little alpaca wool lap blanket to enjoy and use while sitting and reading in the coming winters of my life.  The square on the left was the first one I ever made and the one on the right is one done now after a hundred + of practice:


It is the exact same number of stitches in each.  On the first one I was tense and pulling and fighting the flow of the hook and the yarn as it moved through my hands.  Now, with practice, my hands, the hook and the yarn move as one unit relaxed and natural in one flowing motion through time.  It is knots made birthed of the thoughts behind them as they are made.  It is a blanket, but it is a manifestation of creation from love.

Now that I have gotten good enough not to focus on what my hands are doing, I have listened to audio books on tape in their youtube form (I lol that I still think of media in that way).  The contemplations they have birthed are now woven into the flow of the fibers as well .  I just bought the hard copy of this one, but at the moment in the hearing of the current square creations is: X    Wisdom knotted into place, available to give anyone who uses this blanket in the future a layered multidimensional hug.

It has been tension as teacher on many levels.

Seeing what a difference practice and my state of mind interacting in the environment can make was a timely observation to be made, as I finally had completed enough individual squares to began sewing them together.   Timely as a wonderful reminder, because in my world there was another trip this past week to the Vet with our precious little fur family member.  The radiologist has just ruled that the new x-rays of Luke’s lungs are showing more growth of whatever the shadows were that showed up when compared to the films taken last winter.

On hearing this news, big time tension hits the body…. but then, the next information is that his little big heart, although still enlarged, has not gotten any larger and he has not experienced the typical challenges of heart disease that this enlarged size should indicate.  Phew.  We have decided we are not saying the C word around here as there is no way to know without a biopsy and at 17 (85 in people years) the pain caused by doing that is not an ethical procedure to inflict upon him in my mind.  The little guy is slowing down…  no pain, but slowing.

I am still breathing.  Lungs that are mine move.  In and out in the flow of life.  Birth to death to…

Tension releases out and I once again am reminded of what is important to me.  I am reminded of the stunningly beautiful heart threads that entangle us as we live here.  I am reminded of the true power of having that big heart.  In tension, I am reminded and taught by the thought of physical loss and love.

Empty-handed I entered the world
Barefoot I leave it.
My coming, my going-
Two simple happenings
That got entangled.
– Kozan Ichikyo

…and while I am still here entangled, I am going to enjoy snuggling under a soft little blanket with a tiny, precious cat snoring on my lap for as long as he can comfortably be there.

All is full of love.




You’ll be given love
You’ll be taken care of
You’ll be given love
You have to trust it

Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at

Twist your head around
It’s all around you
All is full of love
All around you

All is full of love
You just ain’t receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love!

**BE THE LITTLE ANGEL**  🙂 (see comments)

All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love

This entry was published on August 26, 2013 at 5:24 am and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

20 thoughts on “Teachings of Tension -the big heart

  1. Beautiful and heart-warming post. We had a cat pass a year or so ago who was one of those absolute love bumps. Would curl up and sleep on your lap while you meditated. Would sleep on your chest when you were sick. Life is precious and beautiful and- thank you for the personal expression of this truth- laden with Love. Michael

    • Who could not return to the computer finding a message “laden with Love” and not have a bigger heart for the reading of it?! Michael, thank you for engaging here. Your little fur family member sounds to be of the same expression tribe as my little guy has been these past months and as mine is still in his form, we send you heart felt condolences at what can be the missing of the actual fur. These little beings teach as they just breathe here on this planet. How wonderful to share space with a powerful place of presence of being (noted your rock in the heart mention in a post about this and LOVE that! WHAT A FOUNDATION OF TRUTH 🙂 )

      I know you are your own unique expression of your “M” name in the world, but you hold a particular one that has a long history of being attached to a few good men who have come and gone in my life, so even to just see it typed here gives me an automatic smile. You wear your incarnation of it so well. I have been gifted another excellent M circling in my world.

      So pleased to be finding the excellence that is you checking in here on seeingM. Participation is never required, but always appreciated.

      Love laden blessings on your head right back at you this fine Monday morning. They are left with a happy hello to all my long lost loves in the form of “Michaels” right here: X


      (wasn’t going to get all story-ish on you, but the first boy who ever kissed me did so standing out in front of my house while he was sitting on his Moped. I walked over and with all the flourish his seventeen year old self possessed, he pulled me to him for a warm hug and then taking my face in his hands, guided me down to his and kissed me. Magic magic magic first kiss moment UNTIL out of the corner of my eye, I saw my dad driving round the corner at that same exact time and my fourteen year old self was MORTIFIED! -lol Years later, when I was finally more present and confident enough about myself and my place in the world, I asked my dad about his seeing of this. He says he didn’t! –And that lovely young mans name? Michael Valentini. 🙂 )

      • I have been away for awhile and pretty much unplugged, and am catching up. Thanks for such a warm and heartfelt and welcoming response! My first kiss was in front of a house as well, with a parent waiting in a minivan just out of frame, with a beautiful young girl named Valerie. Oh, this world of seemingly divergent unity…!


      • It is so much fun when one finds the reason they were compelled to addendum is because it would reveal such a fun sync. I am learning to trust the flow and write what is asking to be written. Here is to the hope that all our Valeries and Michaels of the past are well and engaged in happy lives! -x.M

  2. Oh M, sorry to hear about your furry friend. About a year ago we lost are darling Clare, who was only 7 put had an enlarged heart and had a stroke.
    What a lovely afghan. Makes me want to curl up on my couch and read a book.

    • Huge heart hugs from here, for the love of a Clare. What incredible beings these felines are. I was watching a documentary on snow leopards and was so entranced to see motions and behaviors that happen also in my kitchen thousands of miles away!

      Thanks for the afghan shout out. I called it that a few times, but after having a couple of people return to me with a moment of confusion on their faces (ones that said what creative project are you on about having to do with the middle-east and the wars there?? lol) I have taken to calling it a lap blanket :).

      Hope your 10pm sleep deadline was smoothly hit and that Monday is marvelous. -x.M

      • Just for fun…

      • Lol, must be dating myself. My grandma used to crochet and knit and made afghans galore. I glad I still have a couple of them, they’re beautiful reminders of my Nana.
        Clare was a great cat, very bonded to me and she died way too young!
        Well, I went to bed before ten, but our other cat, Ian, has a really nasty cold and we were up intermittently keeping an eye on him. He seemed a little better this morning. Thank you for asking.
        Hugs, right back at you M!

      • Healing belly rubs to Ian as you get a hug from Nana! -x.M

  3. For the squares that I crocheted this morning, I was very pleased to add the essence of this incredible embodiment of being the truth that we are in action of her life flow on this planet in the form of watching a little documentary about the life of Amma. From time to time I have had the description of “rose colored glasses” or “Pollyanna” attached to my world view and way of moving in the world. I am ok with this because when someone does this, I just know that they have yet to touch many of the deep experiences of living as Amma does. I am not in anyway saying that I flow into the flow from moment to moment in complete access to this way of being (my squares shared in this post were a funny way of representing this fact), however, with more and more practice, while remembering, I am emptying the “tension” that blocks and finding an expansion in the EVER PRESENT hug of being.

    The documentary offers a slow and dramatized beginning relating the story of her early life which could be summed up with the statement that she was treated as a stranger in her own home and community when young, complete with people in their pain attacking her, but the part I enjoyed weaving into my squares was the look at what Amma has created from that pain and the reminders of the way she lives by teaching without any dogmatic window dressing. She is the teaching in the action of her life. She is sublime. We are sublime. Thank you Pina. 🙂

  4. .
    . ^ ^
    { ^-^} <——– X!

    • The kitty love in your creation is such a beautiful space of the shared aloneness at the thought of being left alone here without him.

      In return, heart happy moments sent for flow, smooth organization and pleasure in the preparations required as there is a countdown to the idea of some togetherness coming in this aloneness in the weeks ahead as well :). -x.M

      • Gratitude and love for the one who can recognize the perfection in the imperfection, the intention behind the sharing. Love the beauty in the progression from square1to100-the first square contains its own unique beauty!! when words leave, primitive pictures etch themselves on modern cave walls to say, I was here and i saw and i breathed in and out and i felt with you – alone and together – I am at the beginning of my lessons of feline love and present wisdom, which enriches my understanding of Luke’s unfolding sharing with you. Big heart hug-xx!m

      • Ah yes, the deeper dive you make. The beauty of the tension itself… it is so as it is… even shinier when one uses it as teacher . However, I must admit, after a few squares that left hands aching, if there was not progression, it would be a wonkie and less soft hug hard to birth past a few squares :). How long and how many tight, itchy squares we must birth into the flow of our lives until we grok the patterns of our thoughts that create them and practice relaxing into the very same flow freeing up room to move? The constant of change… always, all ways one different thought put into practice away. -x.M

  5. M, I’m so relieved to hear u’r precious Luke is enjoying life gracefully, lovingly and with no pain. Always breaks my heart to see owners making that gut wrenching decision when the time comes. Dogs put up a brave front to spare us the emotional pain, many times they suffer in silence. What true love and devotion to the “other”.

    I never took up knitting or crocheting but it is a wonderful metaphor for the lessons we learn in life. An awesome musical selection this evening, Bjork is *speechless* — pure Love! Funny story, I had the tremendous honor of meeting Ms. Guðmundsdóttir at the Toulouse Blagnac airport, catching a red eye to L.A.X. We sat and spent a few minutes chatting about music… so I had to ask about her song. “All is full of love” hands down one of my all time favorites! But she sings this beautiful line that I can never quite understand, and it’s never revealed in any written lyric, not on her CD nor on the web?!

    Right after the verse:
    … Your doors are all shut
    All is full of love!

    She crescendos with…………………… drum roll………………………..
    ♪Be the Little Angel♪ !!!


    From the artist herself!! Being such a huge fan, this “indecipherable rune” had been gnawing in my mind forever. LOL, sounds silly now, but I just wanted to share this tidbit.

    M, enjoy a blessed evening dear. 😀

    • What a wonderful treasured moment that you made into a reality in your life… AND BLESS YOU TO THE CENTER OF YOUR BONES for taking the time to share it with us all here. I ADORE the layers to our stories and the magic that they can remind us each of as we share them. I have been in love with Ms.Guðmundsdóttir for a long time, but she sealed the deal with “Dancer In The Dark” (… and the swan dress also was a radical way to expose the matrix to a good dose of truth, too. 🙂 )

      Bountiful blessings of the little angel that you are in the world right back at you M! -x.M

  6. and
    side face, behind the ears, and belly rub to Luke – xx!

  7. M=KnitKnut

    H. ❤

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