Today out on a walking tour while running errands in the city I was confronted by the most amazing comb over / toupee that I have ever seen. It was epic. So epic was this head, that I wanted to run up to this man right there on the sidewalk and to give him a huge hug for making me smile a smile that alleviated some of the angst I was carrying at that moment. I then wanted to compassionately confront this man and communicate to him just how OK he actually naturally was, just as he was. I wanted to let him know that in his efforts to disguise the current state of God given affairs on his head, he was fooling absolutely no one.
I wanted so badly to let this man know that what he currently was doing to his head was actually drawing an incredible amount of attention specifically to the area he seemingly most was wanting to hide. I wanted to tell him he was walking around with the equivalent of a flashing neon sign with a big arrow floating over his head broadcasting to the world the fact that he was bald and not yet comfortable with his body in this arrangement.
Heaven help the men on this planet who feel better and more confident about themselves while walking around in the world with what looks like the equivalent of a small, furry marsupial curled up dead on top of their heads.
However, past a little chuckle, the real reason for the share from this little experience is the fact that seeing this man started me thinking about the deeper things we try to hide about ourselves and from ourselves and why it is we feel so compelled to do this. Why it is that we at times allow ourselves to get so off track from what is the natural and normal state of affairs, and in doing so, make ourselves so ridiculous?
How many times have you told yourself you shouldn’t think-say-do-feel X thereby leading you to cover up that which is actually what you are currently think-say-do and feeling?!
As much as I want to think that I do not have my own versions of the wearing of an emotional toupee, this would not be true. I do. Mine have just moved to the level of being located inside in the realm of the subtle where it is harder to see all I am attempting to cover up. My figurative toupees are at the level that can be so whisper thin in untruth, that even to myself at times, I do not fully know what it is I am trying so hard to trick myself into covering over. For me, this is when it becomes so incredibly important to follow the bread crumb trails left by allowing the actual feeling of the authentically arising emotions that are honestly present. This is the first step to help lead me past the facades and on to accessing the naked truth.
We do what we do to feel OK until we are OK enough that we finally do not need to do anything anymore and can actually just let ourselves feel what we feel and we know we are OK no matter what. We try not to know what we know until we begin to know it enough that we can no longer pretend to find peace within our ignorance. Oh the joy of feeling the fresh air touching the skin directly as it marks one of those first steps to setting ourselves free!
I am Maren and I am not my hair. I am Maren and I feel what I feel so I can let it lead me to the root reasons for why I feel whatever it is that is being felt in the first place. Then and only then, am I truly free to be in real peace.
How long will you keep pounding on an open door
Begging for someone to unlock it?
-Farid al-Din Attar