I am finally moved…
…and it has been a process that has moved and rocked me to my core.
I write today from a space almost all unpacked from the physical boxes, but I find I am still unpacking the things I learned about myself in the process and I am sure I will be for many months to come.
Since my last post, it as been a month full of extraordinary ordinaries. Moving house never really is what could be considered physically easy, but it is the psychological and emotional aspects revealed by this event in the flow of modern life that always deeply interest me in the process of doing of it. The concept and feeling of creating “home” is a very powerful physical and emotional thing for most human beings. I know it is for me (past post expounding on this found here X ).
Every time I physically move, it always seems to also create great movement in my thoughts and reveals deeper aspects of myself in my inner spaces. These usually are thought homes that have been quietly birthing emotional offspring in the back corners and closets of my mind. When I physically move, all the dust bunnies created by these ways of thinking are seen and their attached emotional issues needing attention, usually come out for a good airing. 🙂 With this physical move there came with it out of the blue some initial angst-iness and anxiety that was completely unanticipated.
When I got quiet and really looked at what was going on within the fine print details, I finally realized just how deeply for most of my adult life I had been longing to recreate the feeling in and physical version of the home that I most loved to be at while I was growing up. This home was the most charming bungelow cottage in the San Francisco Bay area belonging to a beloved family friend named Mary. The space that she created and invited my family into during our visits with her was just magic to me.
Mary had a warm, little kitchen with a dutch door that went out into a little yard complete with lemon tree and potager garden. I could stand at her door and breathe in the scent of love and care Mary had for herself and the life she lived staged from that little space. When my family would visit, she would always pamper me a bit with special treats. She would pour a glass of fizzy lemonade into a beautiful stemmed crystal glass, adding the classy touch of a paper straw to sip from, all while having me help her cook what to me at the time seemed a fancy meal (always complete with a huge london broil).
Well, after 30 years, I realized that with this move I had finally manifested the potential for my actual creation of my very own Mary’s cottage… no lemon tree, rather a little stream out the back door, but still a home similar in feeling, physically complete with a graceful tree in stained glass welcoming and blessing all who enter through the front door.
The external hoops that needed to be jumped through to pull off this move brought with them some challenges as my husband and I have both worked very hard to unplug from the reality tunnel created by “normal” western culture and it’s expectations for our living. We have consciously chosen to live and move in the world in unique ways which most institutions find challenging to quantify and can make qualifying for participation back in these systems a potential for comedic fun. It is a delicate dance to live outside the mainstream while still keeping oneself positioned for participation from authentic truth within those systems when it is needed. I would never sell my soul again working for the potential of a granite counter top in the kitchen, but having one to use for awhile while working from within, can still be a fun dream to make real!
I fell fast and hard for this particular little house as it was love on first sight and the thought of loosing the potential of living there because of the limitations in the systems of control we have set in place for ourselves here in the west was in truth not something that was easy for me to let go of initially. In this experience I got a whiff of my own lingering capacity for attachment! I come out of this experience now living in a beautiful home while offering up the following:
Blessed be the bankers in the matrix
for handing me the keys to help myself
become just that little bit freer.
I now find I am finally home in a space in the outside world that more closely physically matches the home I have already accessed and created inside.
I am very pleased to welcome you to my new front door here on seeingM. In the days to come, I look forward to inviting you home with me to where I live…sitting and sharing the view while enjoying cups of tea as we catch up.
Home – is where I want to be
But I guess I’m already there.