seeingM

Blinkers

Blink.  Read.  Blink.  Look around.  Blink.  Feel.  Blink.

Simple this blinking thing we humans do, isn’t it?  We blink.  We do it without really thinking much about it.  However, recently I have been thinking a lot about blinking…thinking a lot about it because in many ways, I think I had just been on the verge of taking the whole state of NOT blinking for granted.

Let me explain.

(M thinks about how she wants to type the doing of what she does next and notices herself…blink blink blinking…-only her eyes, that is (usually 🙂 ), as she writes on seeingM  -lol)

Actually, there are many forms of blinkers and blinking found in the living of The Life Human.

First, there are these mental blinkers that we all have.  These are the thought constructs which keep tunnel vision in place.  This can be good in terms of ones ability to focus on doing a specific task at hand, but also can be very limiting in terms of ones opportunities available within the how to do it.  This is the kind of blinkers in life that prevent taking in the wider view of our surroundings, cutting off the ability to consider different potentials and to multitask.

BLINK  ( <–If you so desire, click the link embedded on the word “BLINK” and enjoy sharing the view).  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them see.

human blinkersblinkers to laugh about

Then there also are those caution blinkers that we come across in life.  Those barricades with warning lights that come onto the path of our living to help warn us about what is to be found on the road up ahead.

How many times have you ignored your intuition or misread the caution signs and blinking lights as you came to a choice fork in the road of living?  Or have you had the experience of getting the angle of following the instruction lines “wrong” sending you off the map a bit? (You are supposed to cross and maneuver around on the side of the barrier where the lines are angled pointing in the direction down to the ground).  Do you remember reading this section form the manual of living in that drivers ed class held at birth umpteen years ago?!

Gracious, what inherent instruction manual for living do we actually come with???  lol

Following these flashing blinkers and guidelines, I have headed off down some pretty interesting choice trails going around the side angled pointing up in the air, forgetting to be grounded!

barricadeOk, pass go going to the right or the left?  Right…right? wrong? What ground? loldetours

BLINK :  

What road are we meant to go down in our lives?  What are we supposed/meant to do in this life we are living?  OH MY GOD, HOW MUCH I LOVE THE CRAZY UNIQUENESS THAT CROPS UP IN HUMANITY!!!  I want to give Steve and his barricade/lantern collection a massive smooch for the reminder of the living answer it gives.  What should we be doing here??? :

ANYTHING WE WANT!

…not so important what we choose to do-collect-see-make-break-knock down, but rather how we do it.   The organization level in this man’s collection is breath taking…and at the end of the day completely meaningless AND yet, it means absolutely everything.  I would so pull up a lawn chair and sit and shoot the sh*t with Steve in his garage.  “Life is about being safe and sane.” Such passion and presence in his way of being in his doing is a beautiful example in “being” how!

Want to learn from a master?  Watch Steve (YE ARE THE LANTERN LIGHT OF THE WORLD 🙂 )…or another hero of being spirit of mine, Fred Dibnah or watch out in the living of your life for so many other back street life mechanics tinkering away in their LIVING garages!  REMEMBER, THE FOCUS IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE DOING, BUT HOW THEY DO IT!    (A little life saving secret:  master how you are doing what you are CURRENTLY doing in your life before you worry about thinking you need to go and change or do something else to grow!  If you always focus on what you are doing to grow, you will run through an endless laundry list of actions trying to find happiness in a life that will be full of blinking!)

Another form of blinking has to do with our inner light.  It is that illuminating inner light of conscious connection that can give depth and clarity to that living action space outside around us.  In this this type of blinking, the light is on when accessing mindful presence in living each moment of life.  People that flash here, blink on to a deep connection point inside themselves gifting moments of true brilliance, presence and cogency.  Then, as if by some black magic, usually some internal switch flips, triggered by some externally sourced emotional uncentering occurring and boom!  The light of connection blinks off in a flash of smoke bringing with it darkness and confusion.  The light “leaves” and they are found back sound asleep in illusion fumbling around in the living of life.

light into dark

BLINK  :

Cyphers of the world, I do know how hard it can be to still eat when at first it all seemingly tastes like chicken.  We still love you and are routing for you to remember and rejoin us at the table! ( The light actually never goes out, it just gets covered over by the illusion of darkness 🙂 ).

I have found that there is an expiration date on blinking in and out in this way in life. Once one has truly experienced what it is to live being awake and alive, there is only a closing window of time when the meat found in the matrix can continue to tempt us to sleep.  At a certain point, we can no longer pretend to unknown what we know, even if there are those lingering moments in time that we still forget it.  It has been my experience that there comes a point that enough time has transpired, enough pain suffered and/or enough grace is allowed in, that IGNORANCE CAN NO LONGER BE BLISS.

The last man I dated before meeting my husband N was a bliss blinker like this.  He was so present at moments that he could literally melt my heart and blow my mind wide open with the depth, observation, poetry and presence shared in his very breath.  But then, something would happen.  One of his lingering ouchy wirings would get tripped, his unresolved past would come home to haunt our present, a steak would hit the figurative illusory grill, contact with presence would smoke over and I would be left sitting all alone at the dinning on life table with him.  His body was there in the light of day, but the access to being present had gone dark.  His eyes were shut wide open as he lived in his actions from being sound asleep.  This blinking was a heart wrenching thing to watch and after a year or so of this blink on- blink off – blink on, I finally understood that I had to go on my way and I found the courage to let him go to grow at his own pace.

(WH, if you ever make your way here to this blog, this is not about finger pointing.  You are an exceptional man with the full skill set present to do your work cleaning house.  With my whole heart I hope you have found the inspiration to set your courage into action.  You know I ended our relationship with a deep love for you and that love, I am happy to publicly say, is still here as strong as ever today.  -xu.M).

So, being fully present, not blinking at all for just moments that turn IN…to minutes…to hours…to days…to weeks…to months…to years and then…..

Aaaahhhhhh.

Blink !!!  (N, this link is especially for you.  Put it in our “to be watched together and laugh about it” consumption que!)  May we all “live long and prosper!”

Entering my life from stage “THIS IS SO” right, onto my path comes my own Captain K., aka my husband N.  He arrived sans caution barricades altogether. Onto the road he presented with a fully charged connection in the light, a sexy wink, and not a hint of a blinking out!  Then…(I swear, I have only blinked my eyes a few times in time and it is now)…

…we head into the 5th…FIFTH…that is one, two, three, four, FIVE ALIVE years in my life knowing my husband N.  Where did that time go?  With him, this is has been a whole new way of blinking.  It is blink with a wink and the passing of time is gone.

It is BLINK…and 5 years have flown by.  It is five years of those thought blinkers found only used for focus, being there when needed and then gracefully taken off when not.  Five years of being spoiled (now almost to the point of taking for granted!) by the fact that every room I have been in, every table I have sat down at with N, he has really been there with me.  I mean right there.  Present with presence.

In 5 years I still count only on one hand the number of times access to presence has even warbled towards a blink in him.  And in that warbling, it hasn’t ever even been close to a true blink, only flickering for less time than it takes for the arm of the clock to go around once!  And even in these moments of flickering, I have felt active access to that presence place that is always observing from within the light. The porch light is definitely permanently on with motion detection sensor backup at my home!!!  (And man, do we move…so much so that it doesn’t ever go out!)   Presence is always there as an experiential undercurrent, only ever just waiting a few minutes for any externally sourced ripply surface emotions to calm enough, clearing space enough for the conscious communication periscope to come back up from the depths.

So, we arrive in the blink of an eye at not blinking.  It is a staring contest with life and we are winning 🙂 .

N,

Blink baby blink, and it is the life human probing the life aquatic…a life of deep diving into the darkness of the light with you!

On this our fifth year together, are you finding (and seeing in M) what you were looking for out here with me?  I hope so. Blink.  We ordered our red hats and speedos, signed on to team LMNO on the ship of marrying fools and set off sailing on these ambitious adventures we went.  Blink.  We drop anchor, jump into these typically shark filled waters called living as husband and woman 🙂 , and five years in, and I am l-o-v-i-n-g living this illegal suicide mission called RREEAALLYY living a human life!

Blink.

Marriage as complete bliss.  Who knew?!

Blink.

We do! because it is found in focusing on the how, not the do in blinking.  I will not take the way N and I blink together for granted.  It occurs as a blink in time (within a winking heart), happy to celebrate four bliss filled years as Mrs. K today.

Blink.

And hark, what is that I hear in that blinking seen just there on the horizon?

Not a horse.

It is another “Steve” who makes me laugh out loud.  I think it is the (steeple)jack whales 🙂 calling from home.  They sound so beautiful. (Or wait, was that a sludge tanker? lol)  I love this absurd thing called living a human life and all the various blinkers and ways of blinking I am remembering on my journey back out of the the darkness into the light we actually never left.

N, I adore every blinker of a not blinking moment being here with you.  HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Blink.

 

 

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This entry was published on May 13, 2014 at 3:44 am and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

9 thoughts on “Blinkers

  1. M, I love when your posts greet me in the morning. As my ‘wake up’ lights blink blink blink and struggle to fully illuminate, this wonderful post charges my batteries more than the caffeine in my coffee. I love the visuals of the angling, up and down, of barricades. I have, especially in my first eager moments of turning on my spiritual light bulb, completely abandoned grounded-ness, mistaking spiritual escapism for enlightenment. Well, that obstacle course has been officially mapped, charted, acknowledged, and filed away under Great Learning Experience. Steve’s colorful garage and the concept of all the garage tinkerers brings to mind myself, in the garage of my own consciousness, tinkering around with all the beautiful colors, and one by one, illuminating the lanterns.

    It is not what we do, but how we do it; for it is not the ‘content’, but the ‘structure’ that we apply to our lives that makes the alchemy happen. Honestly, such modest activities such as scrubbing and santizing the kids’ bathroom or saving an insect can bring to me such intense satisfaction, if I allow the ‘how’ to flow through me. (The ‘what’ can also be very special, when viewed through the same mindset).

    Happy anniversary to M and N!

    • Your engagement here is a treasure. I am coming down to the wire on my work time chunk and I am looking forward to some bathroom scrubbing at home myself!

      Thoughts of equanimity are sent as a hug around your heart this early working morn. -x.M

  2. Hi M…I don’t know if you seen it, but your site is a link now on my home page. Let me know if you like it or not, otherwise I take it away, Pina……

    • Not a problem at all to link!!! I need to find out how to get a feed to let me know when you post as blogspot does not show up in my reader. I will work on this. In the meantime know you are thought of with a happy heart this morning as I wave to San Francisco while working. -x.M

  3. Oh sorry I blinked there for a second. Forgot to congratulate you both :). Congrats M and N….P

    • Thanks P. I got to see N on a layover on our W-day. It was lovely to get in person hugage. -x.M

      • Have a Margarita for me, and on both your happiness both, on your way back! P x

        http://viapina.blogspot.ie

      • Pina,

        Thank you so much for the well wishes AND for reposting your new electronic sanctuary link. I am in my last days of working finding myself this morning in Texas with a little time at the hotel and am looking forward to catching up on all that has been going on in your corner of the adventure!

        Also, I just saw the link to your FB page. I do not have FB, so I cannot do a like, but it was fun fun fun to see more peeks into your world. I especially loved the writing space when you were in San Francisco. I was just there again the day before yesterday!!! One of my favorite cities ever. It would have been fun to meet you for tea if you were still there. One day I am sure we will make that happen. Ireland is coming, but I am not straying too far from home for a bit as to have as much time with my precious cat Luke as I can.
        -x.M

  4. Pingback: Peer Feedback & Response | Tennille's Digital Journey

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