In Anticipation of Silence


Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.

“Pooh?” He whispered. ” Yes, Piglet?” ” Nothing”, said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”

“Thank You, Piglet.”

“What for, Pooh?”.

“Just for being Piglet. Nobody else is, you know.”

( ❤ to Pina for that reminding post on your old blog which has stayed close to my heart)


I have experienced aspects of what could be considered the illusion of separation which gives rise to solid form.  I have seen with my own eyes seemingly solid things shift and shimmy, and once (just in my peripheral vision) even appear and disappear.

However, as I sit and type this, I do so while having the focus of my primary perception of awareness oriented in time and space in the seemingly separate physical form of a human body.  It is a human body I feel quite attached to at the moment, one that holds great sentimental value for me.  However, at the end of the day I know it is not “me” or “mine” or even the same form from one moment to the next as cells die and arise outside my conscious awareness.

Today in this particular human body however, it feels as if a huge chunk of my heart is not here with me.  There is a special silence in the house accompanying this feeling.  The continual snootling breathing sounds of a little smushed nose cat are missing in my home.  After two nights of sleeping next to him on the kitchen floor, we went to the emergency veterinary office in Portland last night where our Luke remains for IV fluids and observation (in the North of England, you always say “OUR” before the name of a beloved family member).  If it is anywhere on this planet at this moment, this is where my heart is located.

When the fur is no longer there and the house remains permanently silent to the little sounds made by cat living, where will my heart feel to be located then?  It is in a process of being made bare.  This gives a raw quality to time and it tastes salty.

We still eat the hearts of some beings on this planet and call it offal…or is that awful or should it be awe-ful when the heart is symbolically eaten away from the body at the thought of the permanent separation from fur form?

The fridge also stopped working the other day.  It was deeply silent in the kitchen in a weird way.  But this meant in this silence from sitting over on the couch on the other side of the room I could hear strange rustlings in the back garden that normally would have been missed.  I got up to investigate the new noise in the silence and was gifted this:

baby deerthe magic of baby deer too young to be stealthy yet

Luke is a tangible piece of my heart made manifest in the form of a little fur entity who may be making ready for his final exit from form.  If it is absolutely necessary at this time, may it be a peaceful one and may this humans tears turn the sauce of silence in the house savory, not bitter.

I am anticipating the idea of silence and am looking forward to finding what new noises Luke’s silence brings home to my heart.

pooh and piglett

– – – – – –

White Shadows

Calling me in this fate
Between the unknown and the nay
LIGHT SHADOWS dancing through my veins
When all is gone and stays the same

WHITE SHADOWS glisten in the dark
Between emotion and response
Between the uncharged and the spark
And in the arms that move apart


This entry was published on August 10, 2014 at 2:53 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

11 thoughts on “In Anticipation of Silence

  1. Amanda on said:

    May I offer a gentle holding space in my heart for you as you anticipate the idea of silence and welcoming all things new.

  2. Tune for Luke:

    Hariod. ❤

  3. Wishing you some solace and peace, M. What I heard once, is Luke would be even more loving-powerful than ever when he is returned to the Force… We had a feline friend who had kidney failure a couple years ago, an all white castaway who adopted us that we called the “Big Daddy.” He was incredible… would curl up next to you all day while you were sick, would yowl and regally announce his return from the hunt at 2 AM, would bask in the sun with perfect ease and never complained, despite being shot and run over at various previous points along his journey. And we still miss him. All of which is to say, having been there, my heart goes out to you and the little big guy.


    • I think beloved Big Daddy and all those fur family that are no longer in form will be “there” to meet the little Luke essence at the Bardo when the time comes.

      Yes, yes the force is strong and always was and will be with Jedi felines 🙂 . But oh! not to not smell the sweet warm chalk on the head and feeling the toasty sitting spot on the lap growing cold…yikes!!! It ouches the nose and the tummy at the thought of these ending. However, there is no need to suffer when I remember.

      Eyes offer emotion a place to be weeded and watered. Hopefully by allowing full feeling, there is growth…giving enough stillness and silence so the deep ear in the heart can “hear” the feeling of Luke’s truer sounds.

      Thanks Michael. -x.M

  4. ((((((( (x) ))))))))

  5. … in that sad silent space … when memories are yesterdays … unbeknownst to head … my heart is often there …

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